Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Ibu, jgn aku dibuang..

ok dh balik panjat gunung jerai.. mmg utterly awesome la.. tapi skali mama pulak gi buka halaqah sentuhan kalbu.. mcm intersting btul rancangan ni.. aku baru tau.. mmg tersentuh gak la.. isu yg dibawa kali ni isu buang baby..

aku mmg panas betul dgn org yg buat onar pastu lek lek je bunuh baby tu..aku mcm hairan la kalau tanak pun letak la baby tu dlm raga then letak depan pintu rumah ank yatim ke rumah org ke dpn msjid ke.. kire dlm keadaan proper n senang org nk jumpa.. at least kalau org jumpa org mesti tolong baby tu.. tolong adopt ke tak tau la.. tapi aku mmg pelik sbb diorg letak dlm tong sampah terus dgn intention mmg nk bunuh baby tu..

ok bila balik pd isu ni aku rasa fenomena ni mmg berkait rapat dgn penerimaan org melayu terhadap baby luar nikah.. mmg zina tu haram, no doubt, can't argue.. tapi kan dlm masyarakat melayu la kan( not blame anyone ok just mmg mcm dh jadi tradisi cket), org akn treat org yg ngandung anak hasil zina dgn penuh hina or penuh slack la.. mmg sbb tanak malu, then diorg ni trus buang baby.. mcm nk kata kt sini, kita tau org zina tu patut dihukum mcm Allah dh outline, tapi masyarakat sekeliling pun nk gak play role in menghukum dgn cari psycho org dh commit adultery tu.. tapi mmg kdg2 fikir pdn muka gak arr!! tapi kesan dia boleh bahayakan nyawa baby x berdosa tu..

p/s: ni ada satu pengumuman, kalau anda terbca ni and anda ada baby, tak kisah la dgn cara halal ke haram,yg anda tanak bela sgt2 dah (kira mmg nak get rid anak anda tu), tolonglah jgn buang, bagi saya, biar saya bela.. no sriuosly, nmpk mcm saya main2 tapi i think this's much better..




Ibu, jgn aku dibuang..


Dalam rahimmu,
Ku sampaikan gusar pada malaikat penjagaku,
Takutnya aku utk dilahir,
Takut diri tak dunia terima,
Takut sayang terhenti mati,
Mahu terus kekal di situ,


Malaikat ungkap lembut,
Pesan persis padaku,
Ada insan di luar sana,
Lebih lembut belainya,
Lebih limpah kasihnya,
Yang pasti sayangiku,
yang aku harus taati,
Malaikat kata
itu kamu ibu..


Tapi mengapa ibu,
Mengapa aku dilayan hina,
Kenapa sampah buaian ku?
Kenapa maut hadiahku?
Kenapa bunuh dodoianmu?
Kenapa aku dihidang enak,
Buat santapan gonggongan anjing..

Apa aku tidak berhak disemadi sempurna?
Apa aku tak layak buat sepasang nisan?
Hinanya aku ibu.. apa dosaku??

Cuma kerna aku anak haram,
Jijik sekali kau layanku,
Ibarat aku yg berzina.. (T-T)








Monday, July 19, 2010

Gua tgh panas ni der!!

ok mlm2 neh, bdn pulak tgh panas..mana x panas nya dh siap gi warm up utk mountaineering esok.. *giler semangat haha* basically mmg aku over excited sket sbb dh lama x daki gunung jerai.. by daki i mean by foot ok not by car/van!! last time yg aku ingat mountaineering dgn scout zmn sekolah kat sains matjiwa dulu..dh lama la.. pastu mcm rindu plak nk gi camping skali..=(

ni nak kongsi cket kisah pasal gunung jerai..aku mmg ingat betul, sapa2 saja yg aku sembang dgn org tua ke muda ke , yg mmg anak jati kedah kira area sg petani, yan tu suma akan ckp gunung jerai ni tempat org buang saka n tempat hantu2 melintas.. aku mmg tak tahulah sama ada benda ni betul ke tidak kan.. sbb org melayu mmg famous cket dgn legend2 n cerita2 hantu..kdg2 tu cuak gak mendengar..aku mcm pegang prinsip ni, aku tak kacau dia, mesti la dia tak kacau aku kn.. dia dgn kita makhluk Allah gak kn.. so takutilah ALLAh azzawajalla sahaja ye kwn2..

aku frankly speaking kalau isu2 hantu ni antara percaya dan tidak.. faham ke maksud aku.. sbb kalau org melayu mcm2 nama hantu diberi, kira dh boleh terbit bukula mcm ensiklopedia hantu gitu.. tapi kan dlm islam yg di mention jelas psl syaitan, iblis dan jin.. selalunya yg dok ganggu manusia ni jin, sbb dia advantage berbanding mnusia kn kt bumi ni sbb kita x nmpk dia tapi dia nmpk kita.. dia pun kena beribadat kpd Allah mcm kita juga akn.. so kita hmba, dia pun hamba.. kan Allah dah berfirman "tidak aku jadikan jin manusia itu melainkan utk beribadah kpd ku"..


ok dh cukup pasal gunung jerai.. satu lagi yg excited sgt neh sbb mountaineering ni mmg one of my favourite hobby(tapi nk kata hobby mcm x sesuai sbb jrg2 sekali boleh buat, mcm passion/ interest je la) anyway, setiap org ada wish list/ to do list, dan aku juga ada wishlist aku seniri..ada yg dh buat, ada yg belum..dan aku mmg harap sgt dpt buat semua ni, aku mmg mcm adventurous cket, even kdg2 tu susah nk dpt geng yg sekepala utk buat aktiviti2 ni semua.. sbb tu setiap aktiviti aku mesti pi dgn org yg lain2 sbb ada yg aku minat org tu x minat. tapi bagusnya, dpt member ramai, networking pun bagus, selalu dpt rakan baru, cth mcm hari tu aku pegi payar, byk giler member baru yg x kenal mana pun, tapi sbb interst sama terus jadi geng, cium ikan sama, main shark sama2..hoho. mmg ada member aku yg kata aku ni suka buat aktiviti ekstrem, dh la risky, bahaya betul.. tapi aku rasa la kan, aktiviti yg aku suka tu la yg buat hidup aku meaningful, menarik, x dull/ boring/ static..

pastu mama ada gak sound, jgn2 extreme2 sgt takut nnti bila dh kahwin wife x dpt catch up dgn minat gila2 neh, atau pun takut nnti aku boring dgn life after marriage.. aku reply la, ye la lps kawen nnti stop la (boleh punya), tak pun mana la tau my future wife nnti neh pun suka akviti ekstrem berikut..haha.. inilah maksud hidup bujang.. cewahh!! tapi dlm hati setuju gak dgn apa yg mama kata, bila kawen nnti kena slow down..hoho *ok dh terlebih fast forward haha*.. sbnrnya mama cuma risau pasal safety je.. itu je.. hehe



my top 8 wish list before time ends (Allah knows when):

1)sky diving in tipperary ireland.. kalau msia pun ok je.. ni mcm agak mahal tapi skrg dh murah.. mmg kena try.. 10 000 ft drop, fuyyoo layan tuh~
2)bungee jumping in new zealand! oOyeah~
3) hunting.. ni mcm nk try kat malaysia.. nnti nak dptkan lesen nk gi hunting deer ke ayam hutan ke!! fuhh layan~
4)scuba diving.. mahal la cket, tapi best kot.. may be next week kalau takde aral, scuba la aku kat redang tu insyaAllah=)
5) whale watching kt cork or kat aberdeeen.. kalau boleh aku nk minta kt abg bot tu nnti nk dive skali dgn whale tu.. yg aku teringin sgt nk jumpa blue whale dgn orca whale (ala ala nk buat mcm filem free willy tu haha)
6)mountaineering,, ada la 2 ,3 kali dh buat tapi target aku yg terdekat kinabalu la.. pastu nak extreme lagi boleh try everest la kot, tapi aku rasa kalau dh masuk zmn kerja impossible boleh buat semua ni.. *sigh* anyway yg ni kira dah DONE!!
7)snorkeling.. alorh dh byk kali sgt.. dh mcm boring cket..haha!! ni pun DONE!!
8)travel.. alah ini takyah ckp la.. mmg byk la jugak dh cover.. alhamdulillah, rasanya kalau aku x study broad, ni mmg sgt impossible.. owh next target egypt n greece.. sbb aku mmg suka cket visit tamadun2 lama neh.. mcm fascinating cket..wonder's of the world la slalunya yg aku visit.. ada tempat yg mcm susah cket nk sampai tapi aku target gak utk sampai.. aku nk tgk machu pichu n cage dive dgn shark!!!! DONE!



ok pastu bila ckp isu ni mesti ada membe aku tanya, habes haji dan umrah nak letak mana?? kawen takan ko tanak?? duhh,, lembu susu sungguh!! itu mana masuk wish list itu dh masuk, must do list la.. LOL


ok till then.. cau cincau!!


p/s: org balik summer buat attachment, aku dok buat benda2 extreme camni.. kdg2 rasa mcm rugi gak, tapi kn fikir2 nnti lgi 3 kali summer mmg dh kena buat attachment wajib.. so baik summer ni lek lek luu.. sbb nnti mana ada masa lgi.. ok *cubaan memujuk diri sendiri haha*.. anyway sementara summer ni, " screw you medicine!!" haha=P.. nnti balik galway aku study la balik haha

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Before you know it, the sun sets..


It was gloomy that day, I was on the deck, enjoying the fresh breeze of the sea, looking at the far horizon, letting my mind to wonder freely, until my fingers was pulled, very gently indeed, by a cute chubby little girl.. I looked at her, with a lovely stare and got on my knee. She kissed my cheek, then smiled cheekily and whispered, “Daddy, how do I pronounce the name of this cruise?”.. “it’s Star Cruise honey”..

In life, I have almost everything, a medical career, beautiful daughter, everything you name it, except for one thing.. My heart is empty as my one and only lovely wife passed away, 3 years ago. Not as “health and in sickness” as promised. It was cancer that robbed her away from me. There’s no way a replacement can heal this. I was, am and will always be hers. And our 4 year old daughter, Emily is the proof of the eternal love. Emily is all I have, and I always wanted her to know, daddy always love her no matter what ever happen..

Because of my love to her, and in fact she’s all that I have in this life, who cherish my day, being the reason for me to continue living, I took her along this voyage. We were on our way to a medical convention that I have to attend, somewhere in Venice.. Yes it’s Venice, the one place on earth where her late mommy loved the most.. That was where we had our honeymoon before our one only daughter, Emily comes around.

My daughter pulled my hand pretty hard and we both walked our way on the deck heading back to our cabin.. Along the way, she cheekily smiled.. owh I knew the smile well, she surely will be requesting for something, usually a lollipop, her sensational passion!! But instead, adorably she asked, “daddy can I have ice-cream??”.. I looked at her and smiled, “ sure you can honey, whatever you wish..”.. She ecstaticly jumped into my arms, kissed me, again on my cheeks, and shouted “yeay!!” breaking the deafening silence on the deck of the cruise, drawing lots of attention from other passengers and some even whispered (owh yes I overheard..haha) “she’s soo adorable!!=)” .. I smiled looking at her, she looked just like her mommy, the eyes, the smile, the way she behave, it’s like in war of genetic imprinting, mommy won and yes daddy loose..hehe!

It was three scoops of ice cream.. she seemed to enjoy the ice cream, but that was after I managed to persuade her.. She initially wanted for praline and cream (her obsession, just like her late mommy, huhu like mother like daughter..) and I struggled explaining to her, there was no haagen dasz on board, and that’s all they have.. I in fact was so puzzled how could such prestigious cruise, did not have haagen dasz kiosk on board.. It was, mind boggling.. Finished with the ice cream, I took her back to our cabin, getting her ready with her swim suit before we both headed to the pool.

On our way to the pool, passing hundreds of cabin, taking elevator and stairs, I started to feel something was off with this cruise, the aisle was so silent, like it was an utterly empty vessel.. I frowned, strengthened my grip on my daughter’s hand, harden my grip..” my lovely daughter asked, “what’s wrong daddy?”.. I smiled, looking straight to her azure eyes and replied, “Nothing honey, everything just fine.” Deep inside, I knew something horrible was going on, I could feel it, sensed it, as the air signifies threat..

Despite all that, we walked our way to the deck.. Before opening the deck’s door, I took a peak into a tiny window on the door.. It was purely instinct, protective instinct of a father.. I was awed with what I saw, men with artilleries, fully equipped, M16 ‘s, rifles, guns, machete’s and plenty more weapons that I don’t even know the name.. The passengers- men, women, children, everybody was lying on the floor, crying helplessly, some even shouting hysterically, while those gunmen pointing those weapon right towards them.. My mind started processing, but I hardly struggled to think straight.. I knew that this cruise has been hijacked by who I wasn’t sure.. might be pirates or might be militants, these brutal gunmen could be anybody.. now that they thought they’ve taken hostage everyone on board, I noticed my daughter and I might not stand a chance getting off this terrible raid.

Thank goodness my daughter didn’t see any of those, and those gunmen didn’t notice us. I tried my best maintaining my confidence, avoiding panic between we both. I started to imagine terrible things that might happened if we both got caught and I failed to protect and defense the only person I love left-my own daughter.. How would I explain to my late wife, how I terribly failed to protect our baby..But the willpower inside was so strong, telling me that we should try our best to maintain survival, and yes I’ll do whatever in my power to protect my cuddly little girl.

Without any hesitation, I hugged my daughter and carried her away from the deck. In response, she clasped firmly into my arm, looked right on my face and repeatedly asking with her tiny voice, “daddy, what’s going on?”.. I remained silence kept running for our safety.. She started to feels that something bad was going on, and pearls started to run from her eyes to her cheeks. Noticing her tears, my hearts broken, like it was crushed into pieces.. gently I raised my finger to her cheek putting the tears off.. In response to that, she raised her cuddly palm and put off my tears.. Goodness I didn’t notice I cried.. It was silence, not even a word, but our hearts communicate.

With she in my arm, we kept running, passing by, cabin by cabin till accidentally we bumped into a man.. all three of us was on the floor.. I startled, thinking that it’s over for my daughter and I. I saw the man was holding a rifle on his right hand and a red emergency axe on the other. I hugged my daughter protecting her from the man.. She was shaking hysterically, I could feel it with my chest.. The man stood up, and walked slowly to us.. I raised my right arm ready to defense my daughter with head looked down, waiting to be butchered alive.. we were both shaking.. My daughter just couldn’t stop crying. The man held my hand pulling me up, sort of helping me getting on my feet. We were both confused.. The man explained he’s one of the crew, a sailor.. I didn’t manage to know his name, it was so chaotic. now that we knew he’s a friend and not a foe indeed, my daughter and I joined this man for safety.. He said he knew the hidden way to get to the emergency boats on starboard.

He handed me the rifle, and kept the axe with him.. Thank goodness I still remember how to use a rifle, just like when I went for hunting trip in Nanterre. I held fast to my daughter’s hand, all three of us ran as fast as we could to our only hope-emergency boats.

Whenever we were passing lots of junctions and aisles, our lives were always at stake! Then we reached an elevator. The sailor said we need to get down to the third floor. We took the elevator.. In the elevator, I took my shirt off and tied it to my daughter’s eyes.. I did that just because I didn’t want her to see terrible things on the way.. even if my life ends on this vessels, I did not want her to see me dying.. While I was tying, she whispered, “daddy, I love you..always..please don’t leave me like mommy did..” my heart just shattered, kissing her, hugging her madly like we were never going to see each other again.. All three of were anxiously waiting for the elevator door to open..

“ting!” the door finally opened.. It was disastrous, two of the gunmen was waiting out of the door, but they weren’t ready with their weapon.. My finger was on the trigger, and the nozzle was aimed straight to the two gunmen.. Both sides startled for few seconds, shocked of not expecting to see each other there.. Without much hesitation, I finally pulled the trigger.. twice.. both shot punctured the chest of both gunmen (it was on left side of chest).. I was certain that I managed to ruptured their heart.. Thanks to medicine, I knew well the location of the heart.. My daughter at that time, with eye’s covered, strongly hugged my feet.. I knew she was so scared of the two loud shots she heard just now.

We knew when I shot just now, the sound might have been heard by the rest of the brutal gunmen on the deck. There was no time to be wasted.. I grabbed my daughter, and we all ran straight to the emergency boats.

We managed to get to the boat.. I put my daughter in.. The man and I both struggled to put the boat to the open sea. There were mechanical gears and hooks need to be controlled so that the boat would descend slowly.. I asked the sailor to get into the boat with my daughter, leaving me behind handling the mechanical gear.. Eventually I managed to put them into the open sea. I shouted asking for man to paddle away from the cruise for at least hundreds of yards, because I knew, it was out of shooting range, no bullets might harm them in such distance.. As the boat was far enough, the man waved the paddle, signaling it was about time to jump and swim to the boat.. I knew the splash will draw the attention of all the gunmen towards us, but I have no choice.. I climbed the handling rail, ready to take that giant leap, but all of sudden a man shouted from the back, “ do not move a muscle, or I’ll shoot!” I turned my face back and noticed, six gunmen aimed towards me.. I then smiled, knowing my ends was so near.. Putting my both hands up in the air, I jumped. I finally took the plunge. the only sounds that I heard at that very moment was like rain, but it was not raindrops, but bullets instead..

I managed to get into the water..alive.. yet I had to swim to the boat, to my daughter. I swam as fast as I could, and most of the time I dived-swimming in the deep so that rains of bullets won’t hit me.. It was so dramatic.. Thank goodness I used to scuba diving, and this was not much different, except that now I dived with no oxygen tank. I swan helplessly toward the white boat, reaching there, the man helped me to get into the boat.. I hugged my daughter, took off the clothes that covers her eyes, she opened her eyes and jumped into my arm while pearls still running from her eyes..

When I was hugged, my left hip was terribly painful.. My daughter looked at her palm, it was red blood and she spontaneously cried, “daddy you’re bleeding..”.. I knew I was hit in the water just know, I lied down, got on my back, looked into the sky, it was red orange.. I saw two faces in the orange background it was the sailor and my baby Emily.. Emily was crying hysterically, begging for me to stay, not to leave her.. I said to the sailor, “take care of her well, and make sure you’ll get her to her grandma”.. I enjoyed looking at the red orange sky, it was so peaceful, it was like the sea hymn and the breeze whisper...

and slowly, my eyes shut… before you know it, the sun just sets..



p/s: this writing is so memorable to me.. it costs me my pmr, spm, english 1119 and even IB english standard level.. *might not be exactly, but most of the outline are there..such a huge memory!!=)

Saturday, July 17, 2010

Resepi!!! oOyeah!!

Apam koko

bahan2:

3/4 @1 cawan gula-blended
3 biji telur ayam
1/2 cawan koko
2 cawan tepung gandum
1 cawan susu pekat
1 1/2 sudu teh bicarbonate soda
1 cawan air masak suam...air mutlak sebainya ehehe
1 cawan minyak


cara2:
-ayak tepung gandum, koko dan bicarbonate soda (mix 1)
-kacau telur dgn gula (mix 2)
-mix 2--> masukkan susu, kemudian air, then mix 1, kemudian masukkn minyak
-biar dlm 10 minit
-finally kukuslah apam itu dlm bekas yg comel2


tadaaa!! siap=)






Kek Batik

bahan2:
1 mentega
1/2 tin susu pekat
5 sudu plastik coklat
1 biji telur
1 packet biskut marrie

cara2:
-mentega dicairkan +susu pekat+coklat...gaul hingga pekat
-then masukkan telur (atas api ok, gaul cepat x berketul)
-pecah biskut 3-4 keping biskut
-gaul dlm kuali hingga sebati
-masukkan ke dlm bekas (tekan hingga rapat)
-masuk fridge
-finally makan!!

tadaa!! selamat mencuba lagi




p/s:actually ckp kt diri sendiri moga2 dpt lihat hasilnya di Galway nnti..ooyeah!!=)

Menari bersama Ombak, Bicara pada Laut…



Sungai Petani, Ogos 2008

“lab coat dah, maggi dah..apa lagi eh” mulut si angah mengomel perlahan sambil tangan sibuk memotong list brg yg siap di sumbat ke dlm luggagenya.. dgn kudrat yang ada, dia heret luggage itu ke dpn, siap dizipkan.. balik semula ke bilik, menyusun rapi segala dokumen ke dalam button file.. siap itu dia selongkar pula almari buku mencari surat tawaran med school NUIG (National University of Ireland, Galway)..

Spontan mengimbas pantas almari buku itu, hajat ketemu offer letter, dia terpaku sebentar, mata terpana ke satu kotak kayu kecil. saiz sebesar buku, terletak sebelah dgn buku bertajuk ‘pedagogi pendidikan’. Angah ambil kotak itu dgn hajat nak buka, ingin tahu apa di situ, mana tahu ada barang emas ke mama salah letak kemudian lupa..

Kotak itu dia buka perlahan, mata meluas ‘wah dissection kit! Jimat duit takyah beli kt Kamal lg (kedai brg medic terkenal utk med students..tak caya google seniri hehe)’ bisik hati kecil si angah.. tapi siapa punya scalpels, forceps n etc ni suma, fikir si angah.. masa itu juga suara mama semakin menghampir, semakin kuat dan jelas bertanya “angah, dah jumpa offer letter tu??”..

Si angah toleh ke mama di muka pintu bilik, “sapa punya dissection kit ni ma?”. Mama tersenyum lembut, duduk perlahan di sebelah angah..Kotak itu mama pegang, angah nampak mata mama berkaca, tunduk pasak ke bumi, scalpels karat itu mama sentuh lembut, gayakan bagai tgh buat incision, sambil bibir mengukir senyuman sembunyikan kesedihan.. kata mama “ini milik seseorang yang cita-citanya diragut kemiskinan, dinoda kedaifan..gini ceritanya….” [background music: hymn to the sea]

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Kampung Tepi Sungai, Kuala Sungai Muda 1968

Usai subuh itu hening sekali, nelayan tua itu siap melipat jala yg dijahitnya semalaman, di bawah pelita minyak.. awak-awak(istilah anak2 kapal bagi nelayan di kg ini) siap menanti di pintu depan.. Ada sinar di mata, mengharapkan tekong (ketua) membawa ke lubuk, harapkan bodong (kumpulan besar ikan) utk hari ini, demi mengisi suapan keluarga, ada mulut2 lapar menanti di rumah.. Nelayan tua itulah tekongnya, Desa namanya, ayah mama.. ada urat2 tua di mukanya.. sblm keluar pesan dulu ke anak perempuannya, “mengaji rajin2 ya, nanti pak tambah duit belanja”, dlm benaknya dia tahu, janji itu belum tentu dia mampu penuhi, tapi tetap memotivasi .. Anak kecil itu senyum, sekadar sembunyi apa di hati.. dia sedar, mengerti benar, bapanya bukan org senang, mmg susah..

Saat itu juga, belum pun burung berkicau, belum pun mentari terbit, isteri nelayan tua itu nampak sibuk sekali… tgn pantas menyusun kepingan2 daun pisang yg sudah dipotongnya semalam..semuanya bersaiz separuh A4, disapu bersih nampak berkilat.. puluhan semuanya disusun teratur.. kemuadian wanita tua itu membongkok perlahan meletakkan secawan pulut, sesudu inti serunding ikan (ikanlah sbb masa tu ikan jenuh dan murah) ke setiap daun pisang itu.. kemudian anak permpuannya dipanggil menolong.. Dua beranak itu membungkus kemas puluhan pulut sambal, disemat ketat dgn keratan lidi sepnajang 3cm.. kemudian setiap bungkusan pulut sambal itu mereka susun ke dalm bakul. Beri sikit pada nelayan tua tadi buat bekalan ke laut. Rupanya si ibu berjual pulut sambal ke rata kampong buat ringankan beban si suami.. anak perempuan tadi siap dgn uniform sekolah rendahnya..itulah mama

Sesudah itu, mama usung bakul itu ke seluruh pelusuk kampong, memekik setia, “p-u-l-u-t s-a-m-b-a-l, p-u-l-u-t s-a-m-b-a-l!” dgn penuh berlagu..(angah tahu benar lagu ini, sayu, hiba, trust me I know the feeling, sbb pernah bantu nenek jual pulut sambal selepas main guli masa kecil2 dahulu, tapi in my case semua untung masuk poket angah lah buat beli kereta dash yankuro..haha)..Zaman 60-an, zaman itu brapa sen lah sgt harga satu pulut sambal. Memang laku, selalunya para nelayan yg beli buat bekal atas sampan sblm ke laut.. zaman itu mana ada enjin sangkut, yang ada cuma dayung... kata mama, selalunya arwah nenek bagi upah buat duit belnaja ke sekolah.. mmg mama selalu lambat sampai ke skolah sebab jual pulut sambal dahulu sblm ke sekolah..

Selesai semua itu, mama pakai selipar jepun 5 sen (skrg selipar jepun mesti dh mahalkan, dh lama x pakai, rindu plak berseliapr jepun) yang ada, denda guru sebab tidak berkasut sudah tak dihirau lagi, sudah lali dgn kemiskinan, guru pun dah bosan mendenda, nak buat macam mana, mmg tak mampu untuk dibeli..buku2 semuanya mama sumbat ke dlm beg plastic.. (angah mencelah “beg plastic mcm kat kedai runcit skrg ni ke??” . “Ya”, jawab mama ringkas..si angah telan air liurnya, luluh hati mendengar, takungan kaca di mata ditahan jua, sedih mgkn mengenangkan zamannya ke sekolah dgn bag poly pac beroda) kata mama, masa tu beg bukan soalnya, kekal survive dalam kemiskinan itu soalnya..Selalunya mama naik basikal tua arwah tok wan Desa ke sekolah.. kata mama masa tu kaki pun tak sampai, naik basikal tanpa boleh duduk atas seat, mmg lenguh, nak tercabut pinggang utk berkilo-kilo meter jauhnya..Mak cik Bedah (best friend mama since childhood up till now) selalu naik dgn mama, kata mama “kami take turn kayuh sampai sekolah..”

Kampung Tepi Sungai, Kuala Sungai Muda 1976

Masa tu mama dah di tingkatan 3, memang mcm cliché bunyinya, mcm typical.. tapi Allah mmg Maha Adil, “selalunya kalau Allah kurangkan satu nikmat kpd kita Allah akan berikan sesuatu yg jauh lebih bermakna kpd kita, sesuatu yg life-changing,” kata mama.. “Alhamdulillah study mama smooth” ucap mama merendah diri, tapi si angah tahu benar kalau bab study mama mmg perform ahh! Mana taknya, PMR (eh silap masa tu SRP kot) mama best student kot utk Sek Men Tikam Batu, siap ada nama jelas terukir di papan kecemerlangan di dewan sekolah tu!! “Way to go mommy!! Screw you poverty!!” si angah menyampuk lagi, penuh emosi..

Kecemerlangan mama tak henti di situ, sambung terus ke sekolah berasrama penuh.. mama dpt masuk ke Sekolah Seri Puteri, Jalan Kolam Air.. Angah mencelah “ owh patutlah hari tu masa angah tolong kemaskan rumah tok, angah jumpa majalah seri puteri tahun 70-an, then tok tunjukkan gambar mama.. masa tu mama main team hoki kan?.. cool!!”

anak nelayan dari perkampungan daif itu, adalh yg pertama berhasil ke tahap itu.. kata mama, masa inilah kemiskinan memamah mama, bagai barah mencengkam hati, macam hep B barangkali.. “saat surat tawaran itu sampai ke teratak buruk kami, mama lihat tok wan termenung lagi, nelayan itu siksa mencari sesuap nasi, buat kami, bagaimana bisa menyekolahkan anaknya di tahap ini”, mama berhenti seketika menghela nafas, angah nampak mama ayunkan jari, lembut, mengusap mata yang penuh berkaca..

Kata mama masa itu, guru2 di sekolah lama, hempas pulas mngutip dana, kata mereka bukan senang hendak ke sbp, jgn disia peluang yg ada. Kata mama, “zmn tu, tempat sgt limited, bkn mcm zmn angah skrg ni, kalau dpt offer tu mmg the best few hundreds in the country.. kalau setakat masuk sains matjiwa macam angah tu apa barang!! Hehe” mama berseloroh, si angah mencebik gaya tak puas hati..hehe. Masa tu kata mama, pak tam cot (mansor) lah banyak membantu. Arwah Pak tam cot ni sepupu mama, sudah bekerjaya, seorang polis katanya.. zmn 70-an kerjaya polis cukup disegani, apatah lagi jika yang menyarung uniformnya asal anak nelayan.. Alhamdulillah, Allah berikan jalan, mama ke Seri puteri jua.. Pak tam cot berikan duit belanja buat mama, hampir setiap bulan, tak pernah miss, dia tahu yg dibantu darah dagingnya jua, dia katakan pada mama, belakangkan kemiskinan di kuala muda, dia yakin mama boleh pergi jauh, jauh dari yang lain.. Memang semangat mama membara, kemiskinan mahu dia tewaskan, spm jadi penentu ( ke MCE ke waktu tu, ntah, pengarang pun tak tahu…haha).. masa tu mama dah tahu apa dia mahu, kata mama mmg dia mahu jadi surgeon..

Kampung Tepi Sungai, Kuala Sungai Muda 1981

Lepas spm, cita-cita nampak menyinar, senyum penuh di bibir, perform tak payah cerita, surgeon nampak x mustahil, semuanya mmg hampir.. Mama senyum manis, mengenagkan saat itu, angah pun turut tersenyum, tapi tak manis mcm mama.. hehe

Sambung mama, sambil lepak di rumah di kuala muda, biasalah tolong tok buat jual, surat tawaran pun sampai.. banyak offer masa tu kata mama.. masa tu dpt juga tawaran cikgu, tapi ada lagi offer letter yg mama sayang..It says “ medical degree in University Malaya .. MBBS kot masa tu” imbas mama. Mulut si angah terlopong mendengar, mata berpinar, rasa nak rebah. “gulp, mama..med school?” si angah terkebil-kebil tak dpt habiskan ayat. Mama mengangguk ringkas, takungan kaca di matanya tak dpt dibendung lagi, terus dibiarkan mengalir..si angah pula bertakung kaca, sbb dh boleh connect the dots here n there.. “Allahu rabbi.. angah dh 20, kenapa mama tak pernah cerita pun sblm ni kt angah” si angah sedikit emo dgn revelation tadi.. “ jadi, dissection kit tadi…” “yup, it’s for med school” mama jwb pantas.. tapi angah tak berapa jelas, what happen then..

Dua beranak itu terdiam sebentar.. si mama menyambung kembali, masa offer letter tu sampai, tok wan senyum sembunyikan gusar.. mana taknya duit tak ada mcm mana nak lahirkan seorang doctor ni..mama jelaskan kpd tokwan, nnti after 2-3 month scholarship akn start masuk, so tok wan tak perlu layan awan kerisauannya.. tapi, mama Cuma perlukan duit utk pendaftaran dan tambang keretapi ke sana. Utk kick start med school saja. “owh for God sake, poverty, can you just get out of the way, screw you!!”, angah mencelah, berang betul dia dgn kemiskinan..

Sambung mama, senyap2 tok wan pergi berjumpa semua saudara mara di utara, nun jauh sampai ke kuala kedah, meminta bantuan, menagih harapan, puas nelayan tua itu jelaskan kepada sanak saudara supaya dipinjamkan duit utk pendaftaran sbb lps ni nnti ada elaun ada biasiswa takyah risau lagi.. kira nak duit utk kick start saja.. kata mama, mmg ada saudara mara yg mewah masa tu.. ada yg cikgu ada yg pensyarah, ada tauke ikan.. macam2 lah.. tapi air sejuk mereka tuangkan.. sudahlah duit tak mahu dipinjamkan..kata mereka buat apa nnti bila belajar kalau stuck rugi, kita bkn nya org senang..baik jadi cikgu, lebih terjamin..tok wan yg x berpendidikan tinggi gagal mentafsir, telan semuanya dgn perit, sbb gagal penuhi cita2 anaknya, cita2 terbesar zmn tu ( bkn setakat zmn itu, sepanjang zmn kot!)..

mmg mama yg pertama dlm keluarga, bkn setakat dlm keluarga tok desa, keluarga besar juga, malah yg pertama dlm kampong tu.. anak nelayan kebanggaan kampng itu..arwah tok (nenek)gadai semuanya apa yang ada.. barang kemas digadai pun mana nak ckp..walau satu kampong menghulur bantuan.. hajat hati terpaksa dilupakan hati luluh membara, air mata pecah berkaca-kaca.. kata mama, dunia gelap, segala usaha habis lelap, kemiskinan-itu yang silap.. sedih mama, terbuku di hati, degup pantas mendesak dada, bicara kata bersepah semua..Cuma tikar sembahyang jadi kekuatan..buat apa hiba dipendam, berlari saja ke pantai, menari bersama ombak, tadah tgn kelangit, pasak lutut ke pasir, bicara pada pencipta laut, Allahu Rabbi..(T-T)

Sungai Petani 1994

Mama dah kahwin dgn abah, seorang cikgu juga, cinta pertama di maktab sri pinang, penang.. “cewahh!!” usik angah.. “kalau cerita bab ni 3 mlm pun x habes..hehe” kata mama berseloroh.. anak pun dh 3.. masa tu mama minta izin abah utk sambung belajar.. nak masuk med school.. tapi anak2 masa tu semua dh bersekolah, masing-masing dh start perform.. bila ditanya respon abah, “abah x kisah kalau ma nak sambung medic, tapi mcm abah rasa skrg ni masa utk kita sharpen anak2, peluang depa plak utk menyinar.. kalau nak takpa abah x halang n abah juga support=)”.. jadi mama simpan saja cita2 itu sbb ada benarnya kata2 abah.. teruskan jadi cikgu.. dan dissection kit itu mama simpan, letak rapi di rak buku itu..

Sungai Petani 2008

Dissection kit itu mama simpan betul-betul sebelah dgn buku ‘pedagogi pendidikan’.. si angah baru mengerti, rupanya itu symbolizes antara cita-cita dan realiti, sbb cita2 boleh dicita sampai bila2, tapi realiti lebih indah, “throughout life, you may loose one thing, but 1000 fantastic things will come, you just have to cherish the moment, my boy” bisik mama lembut ke telinga si angah, bibir terukir senyuman, kaca di mata tak dihirau lagi, dua beranak itu ketwa kecil..

Si angah peluk mama, mata turut sama berkaca.. angah bisik lembut ke telinga mama.. “terima kasih mama, sbb buat decision utk kami semua.. kalau ma ke med school, ma mesti jadi dr.. mana mgkn ma jumpa abah.. maka mana mgkn kami anak2 dpt tgk dunia ni.. lps dpt anak-anak, mama tetap x smbg medic, kalau x kami jadi x terurus.. angah cdgkan.. mama smbg la medic skrg.. nnti kita boleh practice sama-sama.” muka bersungguh.. mama reply sinis, “nuh ada 2 lg adik di bwh, kerja blum habis..” angah berterima kasih pada ma sbb pengornbanan ma dari menjadi dr, dpt lahirkan, lebih ramai teknokrat dlm keluarga- engineer, dr etc .=)

Setiap ibu ada cerita pengorbanannya sendiri.. and this is my mom.. Love you mama!! They said Im the first in the family who gets into med school, but for me you’re always the first, and the real doctor, with soul of an angel, with the heart of gold..

p/s: happy birthday mommy!! *awal giler wish hahah*

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

3 Newtonian Laws of Being Extraordinarily Handsome/Beautiful..(haha).. Is it a fact or myth??

Ok so utk post kali ni, sila brace urself..mesti goosebump kan tgk tajuk ni..haha.. apa punya writer, diri sendiri pun x hensem (ye ke?? Haha) nak tulis benda pelik2.. dh jadi John Gray plak.. haha.. mesti penulis ni tgh lost his sense of self-control or lost composure or tgh vain giler, yadaa yadaa yadaa bla bla bla..=p owh ni PG 13 ok, agak2 rasa cuak, jgn baca ok, I’m not responsible of any expected sudden heart attack ok (HOCM la kot, sbb org muda je suka baca post gini..erk!)!!

ok2 here’s some explanation, sejak 2 menjak ni byk betul baca buku psl human behaviour, so unintentionally sometimes I started to behave like a human behaviorist..(ada ke such thing?? LOL..)

ni hukum2 newton tersebut..

Hukum newton 1: kehenseman berkadar langsung dgn kepintaran [-_^]

Is this really true?.. not really, I don’t think so. I really do. might be true in minor cases…. Sbb selalunya org yg perasan dia hensem ni akn behave stupidly. Dia buat benda yg dia rasa mcm cool, hoping org akn tgk dia, tapi sbnrnya di mata org lain dia nmpk bangang. anyway, you do not need handsome to be a genious in whatever you’re doing, who cares!! even if you’re handicapped, you can be somebody in this world.. I give you some extraordinary examples (tapi jgn igt saya kata diorg ni x hensem plak..tapi still good looking ok!).. org yg buat quantum theory, Stephen Hawking.. He’s a big man now, although he is seating low on a wheelchair..hensem ke?? Daaa.. (anda nilai sendiri=p).. bill gates pun, pak cik apple yg selalu present iphone tu pun.. hensem ke?? Daaa… (rasa jht plak, suka hati je profile org..bapak judging giler writer neh..astaghfirullah hal a’zim =p).. such a myth!!

Hukum Newton 2: org hensem x sedar dia hensem sampaila org puji dia hensem..("/)

Owh this is so true.. no seriously, org hensem truly deeply never knew they are good looking until many (I mean at least hundreds of people ok) people started to address him as handsome right in front of his face tanpa rasa malu.. lepas tu dia spontaneously blushed, n speechless ( even kalau dia respon pun mesti tersipu-sipu, mgkn sbb bibir tgh sibuk berzikir dan ucap alhamdulillah.. haha sapa tau.. LOL).. ok so getting merapu now.. preposterous, jibberish, LOL=p.. ok yg ni mcm facts!!


Hukum newton 3: org hensem takkan pernah kesunyian!! oOOyeah!! LOL

oOyeah!! I like this 3rd rule.. the best ever.. to be honest mmg org hensem x pernah kesunyian.. sbb mmg ramai org suka approach dia.. tapi dpnd gak arr kalau org tu sombong sapa hingin nk approach.. boleh get lost lah!! Lebih tepat lg, selalunya yg x pernah kesunyian adalah org yg humble, baik tutur kata, santun amalannya.. hensem perlu ke?? Takdelah.. such a myth!



The huge myth…(I think)

Big myth:org hensem ni lmbt dimakan tua, so bila kita tua, dia duk maintain attractive lg, mesti dia cari lain *sigh*..so better cari yg x hensem..

Lorh.. ada jugak rules pelik mcm neh.. amenderlah.. ada gak org percaya mcm ni.. yela lain people lain point of view, lain cara tgk sesuatu hal.. with all due respect, jgnlah fikir camni, kesian giler kt org yg hensem, sbb biasanya org hensem ni mcm loyal cket, tapi org yg selalu judge dia mcm tak loyal just because dia centre of attention.. even dia adalah centre of attention, as long dia pay attention pd anda consistently that is all matter.. btul.. kalau org hensem dh btul suka dgn sepenuh hati, takkan lah dia nk buat benda yg against apa yg dia suka.. cewahh!! Ok dh terlebih John Gray.. mmg merapu giler post ni..daa..

The big Fact.. (I think)

Big fact: org hensem ni selalunya berhati baik, jujur..tapi kalau dia ditipu or being used, dia mmg unforgiving cket

No explanation for this.. just out of the blue I do think so..jarang la jumpa org hensem berhidung belang.. dunno, just think so.. and yeah mmg org hensem mcm mudah sikit ditipu, mcm naïve cket, tapi throughout experiences they learn sbb org hensem ada cerita dahulu kala yg sgt pnjg.. hohoho.. wth am I thinking.. seriously giler merepek.. dh2 better stop!!

Conclusion: utk sesapa yg baca setiap rules ni, pastu mengangguk-angguk bersetuju, ataupun berkata dlm hati dgn gembira, that’s so sound like me..ok get a hold of yourself ok!!takyah la nak vain!! haha sbb korang sume mmg dh terkena.. there is no such thing as laws above, there are no rules for being handsome.. who are we to judge @ profile org ni hensem ke tidak, cantik ke tidak. Semuanya cantik, sbb ciptaan Allah semuanya cantik-cantik belaka, tak caya gi tgk cermin, anda pasti comel tak kiralah mata anda biru ke coklat ke hitam ke, rambut ikal mayang ke, lurus ke, kerinting ke, hidung mancung ke, terkepek sikit ke, sumenya cantik dgn cara tersendiri... cantik ke buruk ke, tu semua mata manusia, nafsu jadi penilai, sbb kecantikan itu ada di dlm bkn nmpk di luar.. mcm org putih kata.. beauty lies in the eyes of beholder.. dari dok sibuk profile org ni cun ke tidak, baik kita gi lepak kt surau ke dewan org ramai ke, tolong cuci kubur lg bagus.. hehe..

Cuma satu rules je dlm hidup.. Allah’s rules called syariat.. kalau sesebuah perkara dibuat berteraskan syariat, niat betul, pasti setiap di buat nampak berhasil hingga ke akhir hayat.. tak perlu nk risau hensem ke tidak, bkn itu yg Allah tgk, sbb semua ciptaan Allah semuanya hensem belaka, so eloklah kita mula belajar mensyukuri dgn apa yg ada pada diri sendiri.. Say Alhamdulillah, Thank you Allah..

"Seandainya kalian menghitung nikmat Allah, tentu kalian tidak akan mampu"

(An-Nahl: 18).

Menurut ayat tersebut, jangankan menghitung nikmat, mengkategorikannya saja tidak mungkin sebab nikmat Allah tidak terbatas banyaknya. Karenanya seorang mukmin tidak seharusnya menghitung nikmat, melainkan berdzikir dan mewujudkan rasa syukurnya.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

writing for humanity..


Macam biasa, bgn pagi free2 mesti la check facebook dulu, pastu ternampak satu post di wall rakan baik aku sorang ni, Idan post satu video dari youtube bertajuk A cry from the grave- Muslim genocide in bosnia terbitan BBC.. ada sebelas part semuanya, menceritakan dgn detail apa yg benar2 berlaku di Bosnia sebenarnya..sekali lagi meruntun jiwa, permata berkaca lagi di mata, hati tangis membatu, malu dgn diri sendiri lambat memahami isu sebenar bosnia lepas sedekad lebih lalu.. Memang aku suka isu melibatkan genocide ni, sblm ini sgt terkesan dgn isu Rwandan genocide, skrg baru lah nak ambil tahu pasal Bosnia.. shame on you GG!!

Saya rayu sesiapa yg terbaca tulisan ni, sila spend sejam lebih dari masa anda utk tonton dokumentari ini di youtube dari awal sampai habis, bukti cinta simpati kita pada mereka saudara semuslim.. Srebnica, muslim genocide but a brutal massacre against helpless unarmed people, it's war against humanity.. Rasanya Srebnica ni 2nd important for a Muslim after Al-Quds.. Yes we don't have the artillery to fight, but at least try to know the news, biar terbit rasa kasihan di hati, tak meluap membara pun jadilah! (T-T)


Srebnica: tangisan dari kuburan, jauh dari bernisan..


Sg. Petani, Malaysia July 1995:


Malam itu, abah mama semua kumpul bersama.. mata abah mama pandang tepat ke kaca tv, tiada beralih dri buletin utama. Angah nampak di tv, ada wanita meraung gila sambil tgn menekup dahi, kemudian ada pula lelaki berbaju celoreng askar, siap kelengkapan senjata mengacu gagah pada yg lemah, kemudian ada pula jentolak rakus membuka lahad, menimbus pantas tubuh2 tiada bermaya, lelaki semuanya..

Angah duduk bersila di tepi Along, masa tu Along tgh warnakan posternya, dgn kaler luna. Along masuk pertandingan poster di sekolah.. Angah nmpak along lukis kubur kubur, pastu ada gambar perempuan bertudung, menadah tgn ke langit sambil mata bercucuran berkaca-kaca, melutut ke bumi.. di tengah poster tu along tulis besar2 dgn huruf blok "Bosnia oh Bosnia".. Angah gelakkan along sebab lukisannya buruk..haha (mentang terer2 lukis angah neh. haha)..

mama masuk campur, larang angah mengutuk.. kemudian angah sapa, "bosnia ni sebenarnya kenapa mama??" Mama jawab "org serb jahat dia bunuh org Islam mcm binatang". Kemudian abah menambah " org serb ni kafir perut hijau ngah, dia buat 'ethnic cleansing', bunuh org Islam, balas dendam masa uprising Turks masa Islam tersebar ke Bosnia ratusan tahun dulu".. Dahi si Angah dikerut sampai kening terjerut, muka blur giler, amende la abah katakan.. manalah budak darjah satu nak faham. mmg masa tu tanak faham pun...wek2..haha..sebab isu tak intersting, angah beredar dapatkan kereta dash yankuronya, tukarkan enjin hitam, tukarkan tayar, lekatkan sticker, sbb lepas tu boleh show off kat along..hehe=p




Srebnica, Bosnia July 1995:


Di satu sudut dunia lain, mak cik Salima Osmanovic membongkok lemah mengalih-alih mayat, mencari dgn penuh harapan, mata berkaca tiada dihirau, hati berbuku harapan, utk bertemu anak lelaki dan suami, walau jenazah pun tidak mengapa, bisik benak hatinya barangkali.. dalam timbunan tubuh itu, dia berhasil temukan anak bongsunya.. Lutut bergetar, mata berpinar, hati luluh membakar, namun dia gagahi jua, mengheret mayat itu sendirian, digalinya lahad dgn kuku dijari..

Di ats kawsan pergunugan Srebnica, Ramo Osmanovic (suami mak cik Salima) genggam erat tgn anak lelakinya yg sulung Nermin Osmanovic, berlari pantas mengelak bedilan mortar dan hujanan peluru.. dalm hati terus berdoa sampai dakap erat anak yang satu, agar selamat sampai ke muslim territory jauh di utara..ada lagi puluhan lelaki lagi dalam kumpulan refugees ini.

*selepas sedekad ada video ditemui dirakamkan tentera Serb, ada Ramo dlm video tu, tapi diragui dia masih berdiri, hari ini mungkin tidak bernyawa lagi.. Wallahualam.




Sempadan Serb-Srebnica July 1995:


Jeneral Mladic, insan rakus, tiada berhati perut, andai ada sekalipun mungkin hijau perutnya, necrotic habis! siap diangkat sbg wira org2 serb, ibarat nasionalis serbia berhati mulia.. pergi jahaman itu semua!! bersiap sedia dgn batalionnya.. lengkap dgn heavily armed tanks, mortar and fully equipped army.. perang dgn siapa yg mereka bayangkan.. gila sungguh, schizo mgkn org tua sorang ni.. kau cuma berlawan dgn nyawa tidak berdosa, walau pisau potong sayur pun tidak mereka miliki.. entah apa yang kau takutkn, hai syaitan berhati batu!!

Di tgh bandar Srebnica, di sebuah kilang lama, pihak UN siap tubuhkan protection camp.. Askar Dutch/Belanda diberi kepercayaan.. keprcayaan yg utuh tapi dibalas dgn perlindungan rapuh..kadang2 kan UN seperti bangang dlm tindakan.. Jeneral UN berbangsa belanda itu dgn haler( mcm mobile speaker, ntah tak reti nak eja..huhu) berteriak kuat kpd pelarian muslim bosnia, dgn nada bangga, janjikan keselamatan, walaupun di mata nampak gusar.. UN selalu begitu, even di Rwanda pun begitu janjinya.. mmg ramai faham UN cuma peacekeeper bknnya nak terlibat secara langsung dgn perang, tujuannya utk elakkan UN jadi kuasa terkuat mendominasi dunia.. tapi kalau mcm biawak mati kutu, mcm singa bergigi susu, baik takyah (anyway berterima kasih gak kpd UN at least dpt krgkan death toll n buy some time for survivors)!!

Suatu petang hening itu, tentera Mladic gasak hebat protection camp tu..mmg nampak benar Serb ranapkan UN.. Jeneral UN request for air strike, tapi UN berpusat di New York nafikan, tapi akhirnya berikan, janjikan air strike sesudah subuh..tapi janji cuma janji, air strike tetap tak kunjung tiba..

Jeneral Mladic senyum ke telinga, misi ethnic cleansing nampak bercahaya!! sialan punya Serb! Tentera Serb terus mara, ranapkan masjid, turunkan sign jalan 'Muslim Road'.. nasib baik jeneral UN awal2 undurkan pelarian ke kem di Potocari! tapi selamat hanya sebentar..

Dunia ingat Serb sudah menang, perang patutnya dah berakhir, Serb dh dpt Srebnica.. apa lagi diaorg mahukan.. Camera Crew rakam rakus sidang media Jeneral Mladic berlatar belakang Srebnica yg jatuh menyembah bumi, " Hari ini, kemenangan bagi org Serb, akhirnya Srebnica dpt kembali kpd kita (padahl 1/4 je population org Serb, lg 3/4 bosnian muslim) dan dendam kita terbalas terhadap muslim sejak uprising Turks dulu.. hoho" *gelak besar si Iblis lidah bercabang sekor ni*

sambil temuramah itu, ada pegawai bawahan Mladic berlari anak dan bisik perlahan ke telinga Mladic.. rupanya dia laporkan muslim dan UN dh lari ke Potocari.. "ke potocari!!" jerit Mladic pd batalionnya..dgn muka rakus, senyum sinis, sikit pun tak manis, perangai mcm tikus, leptospirosis..=p



Potocari July 1995:


Tentera UN kehabisan peluru, senapang dipegang tiada peluru, mcm senapang kayu, semua haru biru... Mladic sampai dgn batalionnya.. Mata -mata pelarian meliar geram memandang Mladic, ibu2 mata berkaca, bertukar bengis, walau dlm benak risau dilapah hidup2 di Potocari.. Mladic meeting dgn Jeneral UN berbangsa Belanda dan wakil pelarian..masa meeting Mladic ckp begini "Allah tak boleh selamatkan kamu, Mladic yg boleh. hoho", sialan Mladic! dgn angkuh suruh tentera Dutch serahkan senjata, janji tak diapa-apakan, pelarian semua dibawa ke muslim territory, janji keselamatan semua pelarian.. tipu semuanya.. bijak benar Mladic menipu dunia.. beri coklat toblerone kpd anak pelarian, konon beliau berhati mulia!!

30 buah bus Mladic sediakan, kononnya utk transfer refugees, pergi mampus dgn lakonan mu Mladic.. Pelarian disuruh beratur, anak kecil dan isteri naik dahulu, yg lelaki umur 7-70 tahun ikut jalan lagi satu, naik bas lagi satu, jalan menuju maut..waktu ini, si suami katakan kpd isteri,semuanya akan ok..walau tahu bakal dibunuh sebentar lagi..

Yang lelaki dikumpul dlm bangunan, askar beratur tembak berhujan, guna senjata rampasan UN, grenade dilempar bagai selingan, Muslimin semua syahid di situ!! ada yg diiikat, tgn berdawai, hadap ke dinding kepala dibidik, bajingan Serb!! Ada yg lari ke pergunungan, syukur Alhamdulilah umur Allah panjangkan, tapi ribuan lelaki lain dibunuh tanpa perikemanusiaan..



Sg. Petani, Malaysia July 2010:



Anak kecil, si angah tadi membesar sudah, masih lagi tak ngerti ada apa dgn Bosnia, apa itu Srebnica.. Pagi itu dia buka facebook, buka page seorang rakan baiknya, nampak satu video youtube berbunyi menarik. A Cry From The Grave - Muslim Genocide In Bosnia .. 11 part semua, puas ditontonnya, habis sepagi, baru dia mengerti, ini bukan isu biasa, ini massacre of muslim, war against humanity..baru dia sedar genocide ini tinggalkan parut berbekam, jutaan kuburan, jauh dari bernisan..Allahu rabbi..(T-T)



references:

Monday, July 12, 2010

Finally.. blogged!!


FINALLY, I'VE BEEN BLOGGED!!! haha.. dah lama kwn2 push suruh buat blog, akhirnya terpengaruh jua.. *sigh*..anyway this blog is just a self reflection of mine, utterly jibberish.. If you're looking for a life changing motivational writing this is not the place.. I'm doing this for me, so that I'll always remember all mistakes I've done, reminiscing all good old memories I've had and be thankful for all Allah's gift!! sblm ni menulis di notes facebook, tapi x brapa privacy sgt n kalau blog I can write wateva I want, bkn ada org tahu pun, oOyeah!!

So utk post pertama ni ada satu benda yg nak dikongsi.. bait al-amin(T-T)!! [ok, boleh tukar mode sedih n sediakn kotak tisu skrg..hehe]



memang every summer aku dgn kwn2 galway yg lain akn buat trip utk spend time dgn anak2 yatim dan warga miskin di bait al-amin.. setiap tahun rumah ni tak pernah gagal buat hati aku menangis.. mmg dpn kwn2 lain maintain macho, tapi di dlm, hati aku remuk, memaki diri sendiri yg tak reti-reti bersyukur..

setiap kali in process of planning for this visit to rumah anak yatim aku selalu ckp kt seniri, malaslah nk pegi, jauh, dhlah kat parit perak nuh, susah nk pegi. area ni mmg terpencil, mmg kena tabahkan hati utk sampai. memanglah takyah naik rakit, tapi dari sg petani mmg sgt susah ok nk sampai, the best way utk sampai ialah drive dgn bertemankan gps, diiringi kekuatan rakan2 yg lain.. kalau nk dtg seniri, mmg tak arr.. biasalah tu aku pun manusia biasa gak yg ada naik turun niatnya, kejap ikhlas, kejap malas.. nau'zubillah.. sepanjang nak pergi, aku terus berdoa kat Allah supaya ikhlaskan hati dan tetapkan niat aku supaya tak lari despite all the hard works need to be done.. (T-T)

ok, minus all the crita sesat n tny local people smpai la juga akhirnya kami kat bait al-amin neh utk kali kedua. dh 2 tahun pun sesat2 lagi.. hehe. adik2 di bait-al amin berusia lingkungan 4 ke 17 tahun.. kehidupan mereka cukup semuanya makan minum pakai n etc sbb ramai org dtg bg sumbangan dan berikan hak2 anak yatim yg wajib ditunai setiap individu muslim. kan nabi allah Muhammad dh pesan mmg anak yatim tiada dlm asnaf lapan utk zakat, tapi wajib bagi kita menjaga harta anak yatim, apa yg hak mereka wajib kita berikan.. aku jadi malu dgn diri sendiri sbb terlalu lambat aku dpt peluang bersama adik2 yg Allah sayangi ni, umur 21/22 mcm tuh baru nk gi visit.. mmg bait al-amin yg pertama buat aku.. sblm ni yg aku fikir nak try sky diving, nk gi whale watching, nak scuba diving, bait-al amin tak pernah ada dlm senarai, tapi Allah bawakan aku ke sini jua,dua kali pulak tu.. Dia lah sebaik-baik perancang.. terima kasih Ya Razzak! =(

Awal-awal lagi aku dimaklumkan bukan intan permata yg mereka hendakkan, mereka dahagkan kasih sayg insan bergelar bapa dan ibu.. ya mmg benar mereka kekurangan kasih sayang..itulah benda yg buat aku menangis, hati rasa sebak, nafas terasa sesak, mata berkaca kaca tapi ditakung jua-konon macho. Ya Allah, aku selalu lupa utk bersyukur duhai tuhanku.. terima kasih Ya Allah utk Abah n mama, terima kasih..(T-T).. aku sedih bila mmbayangkan masa kecil dahulu.. masa kecil2(lebih krg 4 thn) dahulu, abah mama selalu bawa kami tgk bola di stadium.. kalau nak sesuatu abah belikan, kereta dash yankuro, digimon, karate fighter, kotak ding dang, anything you name it, semuanya dpt.. kalau nk travel ke mana saja abah mama bawa. satu semenanjung blum umur 9 tahun dh habes cover, tak campur abroad lg... even naik cruise tawan selat melaka.. tapi semua tu, adik2 di sekeling aku yg mengerumumi sambil memeluk erat kaki aku, tak pernah impi utk rasai semua itu, yg mereka mahu insan seperti abah dan mama.. itu pun dah ckp kata mereka.. setiap kali fikir benda ni, hati aku hancur pecah berkaca-kaca, tiada kata lagi, mulut terkunci seribu bhs..

Sepanjang hari, adik2 ni tak pernah lepaskan genggaman tgn2 mereka, memeluk erat tgn ku, meruntun kaki, meruntun hati, minta dibelai.. aku bukanlah org yg romantik sgt pun, tak sweet mana pun, kdg2 (tapi selalunya ok..hehe) nk belai syg adik sendiri pun segan, tapi setiap kali melihat muka suci adik2 ni, tgn aku pantas membelai kepala mereka mcm dgn adik bongsuku sendiri si ikmal tuh, tutur kata lemah lembut, lutut rasa lemah, rasa nak rebah..kadang aku gagahi hati tanya juga seorang dik ni nama dia hakimi, mcm 5 thn umurnya, sambil ribanya tanyakan jua, bisik perlahan ke telinganya, abah di mana skrg dik?? Adik kimi jwb pantas abah meninggal mata tunduk pasak ke bumi, aku nampk ada berkaca di mata.. duhh kenapalah aku gi tanya adik ni, jahatnya aku.. tapi nak buat mcm mana, aku pun nak tahu jugak ..=(

Di bait al-amin ni, tangan sendiri mmg tak lekang ditarik lembut adik2 di sini.. kdg2 sampai lupa masih ada tgn..hehe. tapak tgn sentiasa mereka genggam.erat.enggan dilepas. kalau aku duduk berehat di blkg dewan tu, amik angin sebentar, akan ada adik dtg duduk di riba, spontan memegang tgnku, letak lembut di atas bahu, memeluk badannya.. kalau di luar, ini mcm pelik amenderlah adik neh, tapi di sini lain, I keep telling myself, my love, my soul, my everyting is all them, at least for today, this is their moment.. aku labuhkan dagu ke kepala adik neh, sekali lagi menahan takungan kaca di mata.. Aku ni pun bukanlah penyabar sgt pun patutnya, tapi anak2 di bait al-amin berjaya lembutkan hati kecil ni..

Seperkara lagi yg mendesak dada ialah cerita adik syafiqah.. syafiqah (6-7 thn camtu) ada abang dan adik perempuan jugak di sini.. "owh my..3 beradik skali.. mcm mana lah si abang begitu tabah.. kuat dlmnya..kalau aku give up menonggeng awal2 lg..(T-T)" bisik hati kecil ku. adik bertiga neh kehilangan bapa, keluarga miskin, mana mampu menanggung lagi, di sinilah mereka tempatkan.. Sedihnya.. (T-T).. again another thing to ponder dan teruskan bersyukur..

sampai malam kami dgn adik2 bait-al-amin.. mcm biasa penutup nyanyian lagu nasyid mereka sendiri, luahan hati mereka, ada video aku dan rakan sempat rakamkan..harapnya nnti akan diupload rakanku utk tatapan semua.. mcm biasa balik dgn rasa puas, sedih tak payah cerita lah, byk pengajaran utk self-development aku..

kereta meluncur laju, kami semua menuju pulang, aku termenung dlm perjalanan sambil tertanya-tanya, kenapalah ribuan married couples di luar sana (sama ada anak seniri @ tidak) tak dtg adopt adik2 ni.. hati aku mcm berkobar2, patut adopt orphan bila dh mampu (tapi mampu tu mana ada guideline yg mengatakan kita dh benar2 bersedia mentally n physically utk adopt anak yatim, we'll never know, we'll never know[-_-"] )..Aku balik dgn persoalan tu tergantung, aku sedar bukan semudah tu nk adopt anak yatim.. boleh visit mereka pun dh ckp buat aku berpijak balik ke bumi nyata..bibir tersenyum, hati menangis mendesak dada sambil lidah tak berhenti ucap

Alhamdulillah..Alhamdulillah..Alhamdulillah.. terima kasih Ya Allah utk abah n mama..



Love abah n mama!! they're the best!! enough said!! Thank you God!!=)